Meeting people can be the most important thing that happens in our day.
Maybe it’s just me, but I get the sense that we’ve evolved to be pretty poor at making cold introductions, and I’m concerned that we are missing a tremendous opportunity by keeping to ourselves.
Here are my thoughts on how you can gain the courage to meet people, and how you can have meaningful conversations and grow new relationships.
Your Tribe
Your tribe is the group of people who will help you achieve your potential.
I offer a short quiz on my homepage and of the people who take the quiz, very few say they have found their tribe.
I’d like to help you find your tribe, and a key ingredient to making that happen is meeting people.
Why We Suck At Meeting People
I think there are two main reasons you’d rather stick your nose in your phone than introduce yourself to someone: courage and confidence.
Our tendency is to shy away from discomfort, and we have grown into a society where it seems awkward to introduce ourselves to strangers. Overcoming that discomfort requires courage.
We have also evolved into a society where we largely base our own self-worth on our perception of what other people think of us. This is such a bummer, but in so doing, we write a script of degrading self-talk around what we think other people will think of us.
Re-write the self-talk, and harvest a little courage.
How to Meet People
I self-classify as an introvert who is capable of acting like an extrovert. Here are some things that have helped me find the courage and confidence to meet people.
Set a goal
This has worked well for me going into events or conferences. I set a goal like:
I need to meet two people at this event before I can go home.
Goal setting works well at events but it can also for a certain time period. For example, you may want to set a goal of meeting 1 new person a day at your workplace. Or you want to meet 2 new people a week to help you grow your network.
Once you have that goal, write it down and track the people you meet so you can be certain whether or not you meet your goal.
I can imagine a scenario where you are sick of it, and just having a hard time finding the courage, but you decide to meet your goal so you put yourself out there and magic happens.
#fingerscrossed
Have a Plan
If you can avoid that awkwardness at the very beginning, you’ll probably be good to go. Here is a sequence that I’ve found to work well for me:
Introduce yourself with a handshake your name and a smile.
At least in our culture here in the US, this will almost always work without fail.
“Hi, my name is Matt.”
As you extend your hand for a handshake the other person will likely shake your hand without even thinking about it. Well…you’re in!
Oh, and on the handshake. No more limp fish. Webby to webby (that web at the base of your thumb) and firm but not deadly grip.
Ask a meaningful question.
This is where everyone before has set you up for failure.
“How are you?”
FAIL
This will go nowhere. It’s garbage. It stimulates no thought and will drive no connection.
Try these instead:
“What are you working on?”
A good one for interrupting someone on their phone or some other attention sucking contraption.
Or better yet:
“What are you passionate about?”
I love this one because it opens the gates for people who are really driven in life to throw their latest and greatest idea at you and it can immediately put you on track for a meaningful conversation.
Whatever you ask…
LISTEN to the answer and THINK about how or where your life paths may intersect.
There’s something really important to know at this stage of the conversation:
- Everybody knows something you don’t know.
- Everyone is fighting their own battles.
Be careful to cast judgement and take at least a few moments to relate to what that person is sharing with you.
Offer valuable feedback
Most people are inherently selfish in conversations so be mindful and don’t be too quick to turn yourself into the topic of discussion. See if you can find a common thread with the other person by asking genuine questions about the things that they’re interested in.
Close as desired
You can walk away as easily as you walked up.
“Thanks, good to meet you, best of luck with everything.”
Or you can hang in and run with the conversation wherever it goes and eventually get married.
Some ways to keep in touch, if desired, in order of value are:
- Phone number/messaging app
- Website
- Business card
Follow Up as Desired
When you find people who may qualify as members of your tribe, take your time, but continue to grow those relationships. If you know what they’re working on, share content with them that may be interesting. Consider inviting them to events you’re participating in or meeting for a cup of coffee or a brew.
Remain mindful, though. Don’t spend your valuable time on people who are not going to bring out the best version of you, or help you accomplish your dreams. Let those people go.
Go Get Some
Persevere through the discomfort and the self-doubt to make some introductions and see where it goes.
This is a project in self-growth so give yourself grace to say a few stupid things and use those as opportunities to do better next time. There is truly NOTHING to lose by making an introduction. If it goes poorly, just say thanks and walk away. But there is the potential for so much to be gained.
Once your courage grows you’ll find it so much easier to randomly meet people, but it’s like a muscle, if you stop you’ll go right back to where you began. So set a long term goal, a few people a week for eternity and with numbers like that you’ll almost certainly cross paths with some like-minded people.
I hope this helps, even just writing it down helps me find the confidence to make introductions, so please do send me a note to tell me that you’ll either commit to trying, or if you did, please let me know how it goes.
Always growing,
NHMan
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